It was April 1999. I reached out first to a close friend from work. I mentioned what was going on. She gave me a concerned look and told me I needed to call my doctor. I remember when I first reached out to my husband, my mother and sister. To tell them that something's not right, but not knowing what was wrong was very scary to me. I was having, completely out of no where, unsolicited thoughts that scared me so much. I couldn't control them by praying--falling prostrate on my bedroom floor and crying out to God--asking Him if I was going insane and to help me. Nothing worked. I had my baby in October of 1998, my precious daughter. All of sudden I couldn't take care of her. I felt like a failed mother because of this. I know some of you are thinking, "I bet this was post-partum depression." I knew it wasn't that.
My first stop after reaching out was being taken to a psychology clinic. Then they referred me to Charter Hospital, a behavioral health hospital which was open at the time where I used to live. They closed down about 1-2 years after I had gone there. There was a whole 'check-in' process where I was asked what I was feeling--every bit of it. I had to die to my pride in order to get the help I needed. That was more important--I had an urgency to know what was wrong with me.
How did God help me? He sent a wonderful Christian doctor to me. There were only 2 psychiatrists in that facility. One was a Christian and the other was not. I was assigned to the Christian doctor. I was SO grateful. I told him my fears through tears and what was going to happen to me, etc. He was so kind and patient and understanding. I explained what happened to me. He didn't say a whole lot then. He was trying to assess my situation.
The other thing God helped me with was putting Christian social workers in my path. One of them eventually became my permanent counselor outside of the hospital setting. She was such a blessing. God blessed me so much with wonderful Christians who treated me with such love and understanding. That was so important to me in getting better. I continued to see the Christian psychiatrist after being released from Charter. My after care was all set up for me with God working in and through these wonderful people. Obviously, God did much more than those things, but I knew He was working to help me; not condemn me.
READERS: If you ever have any questions about what you read on this blog or want to send a priviate message--please do not hesitate to contact me at: firstname.lastname@example.org.