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When You've Reached Your Limit

I was listening to the radio station KLOVE today as I was driving and heard a Christian singer talk about a time in his life when he was de...

Wednesday, February 17, 2016

Reality Is Better Than Suffering

What do you think I mean by the word 'reality'?  When we have clinical depression and realize we can't handle it alone, this is the first reality check.  And it's a huge step for most sufferers of depression.  Because they know in order to reach out, they have to ask for help.  Doing that is difficult for everyone, including those who don't suffer with depression.  It's called pride, folks.  It can be a tough hurdle to jump over.  But I can guarantee you that you will be relieved when you get hooked up with the right doctor, Christian counselors, even your fellow Christians.  Don't wait to reach out because that only prolongs your suffering.

It was April 1999.  I reached out first to a close friend from work.  I mentioned what was going on.  She gave me a concerned look and told me I needed to call my doctor.  I remember when I first reached out to my husband, my mother and sister.  To tell them that something's not right, but not knowing what was wrong was very scary to me.  I was having, completely out of no where, unsolicited thoughts that scared me so much.  I couldn't control them by praying--falling prostrate on my bedroom floor and crying out to God--asking Him if I was going insane and to help me.  Nothing worked.  I had my baby in October of 1998, my precious daughter.  All of sudden I couldn't take care of her.  I felt like a failed mother because of this.  I know some of you are thinking, "I bet this was post-partum depression."  I knew it wasn't that.

My first stop after reaching out was being taken to a psychology clinic.  Then they referred me to Charter Hospital, a behavioral health hospital which was open at the time where I used to live.  They closed down about 1-2 years after I had gone there.  There was a whole 'check-in' process where I was asked what I was feeling--every bit of it.  I had to die to my pride in order to get the help I neededThat was more important--I had an urgency to know what was wrong with me.

After my check-in, I was escorted down to the lock-down area of the hospital where psychiatric patients, as well as patients with addictions were staying while there.  Before I was able to go to my room, my bags had to be checked for any dangerous objects.  I had to remove by shoelaces from my sneakers and give them to the lady who checked me into this part of the hospital.  I had to leave my razor with the front desk and only check it out when needed; then return it.  Everything was so foreign to me.  My husband was the only one who went with me to that part of the building.  All of a sudden I was being treated like someone who would harm themselves because I was suicidal.  Gasp!  Yes, I was suicidal--it happens to believers too.  Being suicidal as a believer HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THAT PERSON'S FAITH, OR HIDDEN SIN IN THEIR LIFE.  But then, why would I get suicidal?  Because in my mind, I would rather end my life than not be a good mother and not be able to take care of my daughter.  THESE ARE LIESAbsolutely nothing is worth ending your life over.  That is why HOPE is such a big part of my message.  God taught me that whenever I went through these episodes.  When I felt I had no one at all who understood--I was at rock-bottom--God was there with me.  All I had was hope in God and what he could do to help me get through it all.

How did God help me?  He sent a wonderful Christian doctor to me.  There were only 2 psychiatrists in that facility.  One was a Christian and the other was not.  I was assigned to the Christian doctor.  I was SO grateful.  I told him my fears through tears and what was going to happen to me, etc.  He was so kind and patient and understanding.  I explained what happened to me.  He didn't say a whole lot then.  He was trying to assess my situation.

The other thing God helped me with was putting Christian social workers in my path.  One of them eventually became my permanent counselor outside of the hospital setting.  She was such a blessing.  God blessed me so much with wonderful Christians who treated me with such love and understanding.  That was so important to me in getting better.  I continued to see the Christian psychiatrist after being released from Charter.  My after care was all set up for me with God working in and through these wonderful people.  Obviously, God did much more than those things, but I knew He was working to help me; not condemn me.

READERS:  If you ever have any questions about what you read on this blog or want to send a priviate message--please do not hesitate to contact me at: christianscopingwithdepression@gmail.com.